Catch Up

I feel wonderful! Which doesn’t make sense in some ways but makes total sense in others.

A year ago this month, I sold my home of eighteen years and moved to a rural county in Tennessee, a 1 hr 15 min commute to work, but hey, no problem! My position was eleminated on July 15th, so the commute isn’t an issue anymore. I’ve moved three additional times since the intitial move, but for three weeks now I’ve been living on the land where my forever home will be.

I sparingly use a generator (it’s as quiet as it can be, but it’s still loud), and I haul in the water that I use. I poop in a bucket. Most nights i fall asleep by 8:30, wake up around 1:30 or 2 and go back to sleep, then get up for the day at 5.

I am in a relationship with the kindest, sexiest, funniest man, and his being in my life is a blessed surprise.

On clear nights, right now, I can look straight up and see the Milky Way.

Fred and Gracie have adjusted to country living and are thriving.

I confirmed today that I’ll be paying over $800 a month for health insurance until the severence runs out in four months, or I get a job with a health insurance benefit.

I’ve applied for three assisant rural carrier positions after scoring ok on the assesment test. I peed in a cup today for one of those positions. My daddy was a rural carrier. There’s something special about the possiblity of me being one at the age of 54.

If I were to create pro and con columns and populate them with the above information, what would be the result? It doesn’t matter, because I feel the answer. Even if there are more negatives than positives, the postives outweigh the negatives. I have some things to work on. I want a job (to be honest, I want money to live comfortably), and I need affordable health insurance. But even so, I am happy, and life is wonderful.

This post is intended to catch you and me up. I want to write regularly about being here. It’s challenging (winter is coming), beautiful, and I’m surrounded by people who are wonderfully complex. I want to tell these stories. I want to tell my story.

Posted by

Doug

Posted on

March 27, 2018

Posted under

Musings, Uncategorized

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The List: An Update

I’m only two days into working The List, but I’m already aware of benefits. What I have learned, or perhaps remembered, is if my mind and body are not disciplined, then I tend to obsess over circumstances that I cannot affect or control. Since the pursuits and activities on The List are goals I wish to accomplish, then even small successes create happiness. It seems a small accomplishment, indeed, to have mowed the yard, but having done so makes me happy.

I know next to nothing about psychotherapy, but I think training the mind to focus on that which makes one happy is a big part of it.

I have learned (or, actually, remembered) that happiness is often a choice I make.

Posted by

Doug

Posted on

December 31, 2017

Posted under

Musings, Uncategorized

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3 Comments

Happy New Year

Hi, y’all. I’m still here! It is the last day of the year and I’m taking stock, as is customary.

Except I’m NOT! I’ve done that before and I’m not convinced year-end evaluations are the healthiest of activities. Specifically, how does retrospection mesh with living in the now?

I have two friends (not the same friends described below) who challenge me to live in the now, sometimes with patience and sometimes with exasperation. I confess I find it difficult.

How about, in lieu of an end-of-year evaluation, I describe what is happening right now?

Let me begin:

“The Sound of Silence” by Simon and Garfunkel just queued up from a playlist of similar songs. My mood is mellow and enhanced by a fourth-day dose of steroids intended to relieve the symptoms of an upper respiratory infection.

I sit comfortably at a kitchen table sipping my second cup of coffee. I’m full after having eaten a breakfast of two fried eggs, a biscuit with sausage gravy, bacon, and pan-braised Brussel spouts. The table belongs to a friend/lover. His friend/lover is in the other room (also my friend)—and now I hesitate as I struggle to describe not the people themselves but my relationship to them. Why the hesitation? Perhaps I’ll reemphasize how I started this paragraph and restate: I sit comfortably ….

My friend smiles and I interpret it as a question: What are you doing? I read aloud what I’ve written and the conversation between the three of us quickly deepens, touching on topics such as truth, honesty, tmi, perceptions, and, most importantly, the definition and pursuit of happiness.

I write this post via my phone and for a considerable amount of time I stare at the screen, searching for the point. I think the point for now is: comfort and happiness intersect. Right now—in this moment—I am deeply comfortable; right now—in this moment—I am deeply happy.

Happy New Year.