*WARNING* Old man post to follow.

At fifty, I recently had my first prostate-specific antigen test (PSA). The results came back showing an elevated level, so it was off for my first visit to the urologist. She explained to me that there are three reasons for elevated PSA results. 1) a faulty test; 2) a recently stimulated prostate (as a result of exercise, sex, even excessive cough); 3) prostate cancer. This being my first test, I’m now scheduled for a second one at the end of the month.

The second test will look for further elevation. 1 and 2 above fluctuate, but 3 steadily rises. My urologist wants to give my prostate enough time between tests (about six weeks total) to do its thing so the results of the next test will be measurable. If the next test comes back the same or higher, she will schedule a biopsy.

Good times.

Here’s the kicker: testosterone feeds prostate cancer cells. A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with low testosterone, so I give myself a shot as a supplement. While I wait for the next PSA test, I’m to lay off of the testosterone. Queue the fatigue, sleepless nights, ringing ears, dry skin, and general malaise that drove me to getting testosterone in the first place.

I’m going to ask my husband to hide my little vial of testosterone because I know I’ll be jonesin’ for it. It’s going to be a long three weeks.

If there’s a doctor reading this, please correct in the comments section any misinformation I may have represented. Also, consider developmenting a slow-release capsule thing that one could have surgically packed into the space where the prostate lies. Men in this situation could have their prostate gland removed and replaced with a long-term testosterone delivery thingy. Let’s say they need this thing replaced every two years. You’d make a fortune!

You can find out more about PSA testing, here.